Say What?
I think I’ve reached my limit of inappropriate office antics. Somehow, every time I make a snide/explicit comment, the CFO of the company happens to hear me. How does he do it? I don’t know. It’s inevitable! Anytime I wanna cut loose, he’s right there. Today the phone rang, and I noticed the number was that of a co-worker. Since I knew who it was, I really didn’t think it was necessary to go through the whole, “Blah, Blah, Blah. This is Ty. How may I help you?” So I decided to go with this one instead, “Sambuca’s Sex Shop. This is Ty.” Why did I say that? And why was I so loud? Meanwhile, the CFO (aka the signee of my checks) was in a meeting across the hall and suddenly stopped mid-conversation. I’m still not sure if he stopped speaking because he heard me, or because he was done. I’m scared! I just know that at the end of the day I’m gonna have one of those conversations that starts out with, “Hey Ty, can I talk to you for a second?”
Update: Don’t think I’m in trouble. Yea! At least not that bad. After the meeting, they (the CFO and the other important people) offered me their delicious, over-priced desserts from the meeting. I know I shouldn’t get excited over their left-overs, but the pastry spread from La Madeleine is DEE-LISH.
After stuffing my face with a slice of cheesecake the size of Texas, I received the most random phone call. Apparently someone charged some hair extensions to my boss’ an un-named employee’s credit card, and the company was calling for verification. So I’m on the phone like, “Now, what did you say Mr. So and So ordered. Hair extensions? Umm…I don’t think he would need those.” From there, I put the person on hold and had to call my boss’ the un-named employee’s assistant to fill her in on the details. Imagine trying to explain to someone that their boss needs to verify credit card charges for some hair extensions. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that or if I’ll ever be able to look at my boss the un-named employee the same. I just can’t get over that fact that somebody (either that un-named person or somebody in the household) ordered some weave. Wonder what kind it was? Didn’t know you could order weave? Anyway, that was the highlight of my day. My side is still throbbing from the pains of laughter. Now my neck is starting to hurt too. You know like when you can’t laugh aloud, so you have to do that I-sound-like-I’m-choking-on-Menthols laugh. That’s me right now.
Sincerely, ty!
P.S. I’ve been over-analyzing the whole pastry spread donation situation. My mind wonders if they (the important people) offered me the pastries because a)I was probably gonna be the one to clean up that left-over sh** anyway b)I looked like I could use an extra meal c)they witnessed me drooling when I saw the delivery man set-up the luncheon.
Get Your Kids!!!
Yesterday was the first day of school in my area. The good news–children go back to learning. The bad news–kids go back to getting in my way. Is it just me, or do the kids in my neighborhood want to get ran over? Who wants to die on the first day of school? Did the kids dread returning to school so much that they decided they’d be better off throwing themselves in front of my car? I’m trying to get to work, and almost kill two kids. That’s right! Two kids, two different incidents. I need to get to work! My route does not allow time to stop for an involuntary manslaughter case. I put the blame on the parents. What gets me really heated is the fact that momma and daddy refuse to use the crosswalks. Not only are there crosswalks provided, but also crossing guards equipped with orange vests, whistles, and mini stop signs to escort the children. Don’t just drop your kids off at the curb and go. Walk their asses to the crosswalk so I don’t kill them.
Check out the drama: I’m already running late for work, and I come up to a school zone sign. Ugh! I slow down because I’m all about keeping the kids safe. Suddenly, out of nowhere a blur of barrettes and ponytails zooms in front of my car. So I’m freakin’ out, and my nerves are even more on edge. That was Damn-Near-Fatality #1. I calm down from that incident and make the rest of my 15 mph trek through the remainder of the school zone. Not 5 feet from the previous incident do I see a family posing outside. Yes, First Day of School Pictures up-close and personal. That still happens? Who still does that? That has to be the countriest thing ever. Those kids looked so embarassed, standing in a line, shoulder-to-shoulder, all greasied-up and polished for the first day. To make matters worse, the momma (who was the photographer) must have shouted out a loud, “Take one with your daddy,” as the father (and his morning beer) reluctantly slid his way into the line of kids.
As you may have guessed, Damn-Near-Fatality #2 occured as a result of my inquisitiveness (basically being nosy). I don’t know exactly how it happened; either the kid jumped into the street, or my car jumped a little too close to the curb. Not sure, but I probably would’ve caught a case on that one. Luckily, the young boy was vivrant and quick on his feet. He was probably eager to go to school and wasn’t gonna let my nosiness ruin it for him.
Sincerely, ty!
