Sincerely Ty

Hey, Readers! So sorry I’ve neglected you all. What am I talking about? I’m from Texas. I’ve neglected Y’ALL. Here’s the latest scoop on me.

• Finally settled in DC.
• Joined a running club about a month ago, but haven’t made it to any of the daily running meets.
• Can’t stop cussing in public. So embarrassing and unlike me. I’ve never been a cusser.

DC is fab – a little bit. The city is a total 360 compared to Funky Town. By the way, I miss you DFW! Other than wearing a coat everyday (Hated it!), and dealing with the slow ass drivers on the VA side and the shitty taxi drivers in the city, it’s the ish. Anyway, so I’m completely and 100% on love lockdown for the next few weeks. I’ve already encountered the, “Oh by the way, I live with my baby mama” as well as the “Well, my divorce is almost final.” Attention all men who think that a single, young, tender like me is an option for you, go back to the hell of a relationship you have and let me the EFFFFFFFF alone. Yes, let me alone, not leave – inspired by my most recent convo with my Granny.

In a nutshell, I’m extremely excited about being on the scene. There are so many beautiful men with that east coast sway. By the way, sway is the new swagger. The only issue is that you have to give these men (all men, black, white, old, young, etc) the run down. Are you gay, bisexual, married, a sex addict, living with your baby mama, in need of a Green card, willing to take an HIV test? Yes, all that on or before the first date. I prefer after so that  I can continue to live by my #1 motto – “Free food, Free fun.” If any of the answers are returned unclearly, stuttered or stammered, RUNNNNN. Get to going and have yourself a lovely day.

So since there are actually people who continue to read this madness of a blog, any advice? Where does a young tender like myself go to have a good time in this effing city? Where are all my male counterparts? Oh, and where is the Mexican food? If I don’t get some pico de gallo, it’s going to be a really big misunderstanding. And the next waitress who recommends Pace Picante sauce is going to get scalped with a butter knife.

Sincerely,

ty!

P.S.   I still love southern men. You guys need to give these east coast dudes a few lessons on chivalry.