Corporate parties are the perfect time to experience camaraderie among co-workers. The event also gives employees the chance to get closer to their bosses (without getting a sexual harassment case), and to enjoy the limitless food and open-bar. The guys arrive wearing their best dubs, with female companions in tow. “Bob’s engaged? He should be single the way he gets around this office.” And all the ladies bring along their husbands and boyfriends that you are forced to hear them complain about week after week. Finally, everyone gets to see all the excitement that the Party Committee has been raving about for the past 3 months. “This year’s Casino Party is going to be so much better than last year’s Cowtown Hoedown.” When you arrive you don’t notice anything different, other than the fact that the menu includes fish instead of chicken. Doesn’t really matter to you as long as the liquor is still free.
As you sit and make frivoulous banter with your co-workers, you finally convince yourself to participate in the planned activities. Whether it’s Casino Night or not, gambling with fake money just isn’t your thing. So how do you make the evening more exciting, “Hit me!”, as in “Get me another shot.” The drinks continue to come and suddenly, you realize that Carlos from the mail-room doesn’t look so bad at all. Just as well, your co-worker Samantha doesn’t think you look so bad either, and for some reason she keeps “accidentally” touching your boob and running her fingers through your hair. Now your plan to make Carlos your man for the evening is ruined because you have to spend the rest of the evening dodging her crazy, drunk-lesbian (different from a real lesbian) ass. To make matters worse, you realize that Shannon from the third floor really is the “office slut” because she’s been winking and blowing kisses at the fellas all night. See what free liquor does to people.
Finally, the best part of the evening: Door prizes!!! Actually the second best—open bar was the first. You sit and wait for you number to be called, but all you win is another “accidental” rub-down from Samantha. Before you get the chance to cuss her ass out and ruin the party for everyone, Samantha screams when she hears her number being called. So now the drunk-lesbian (remember, different from a real lesbian) doesn’t even want you anymore….now she’s got a brand-new camcorder to fondle.
Just when you thought you had enough, the waiter who has been serving you drinks all night, casually asks you for your number.
- Waiter: “So uhm, you look real nice tonight.” You: “Thanks”
- Waiter: “I noticed you had a lot to drink.” You: “Uhm Yeah, you were pouring them.”
You can imagine how the rest went. Sorry homie, no macking on the job.
P.S. So what have we learned:
- A drunk-lesbian is different from a real lesbian.
- Drunk-straight women do not like cock-blocking drunk-lesbians.
- The waitstaff is available to help with ALL of your needs.
- Being the office slut will not get you fired.
P.S.P.S. Samantha is really not a lesbian.