Yesterday, the Ides of March, literally swept away the Sweet Sixteen wishes and Elite Eight dreams of many NCAA championship hopefuls. The bittersweet losses filled the airwaves with streams of commentary such as, “Well, we came out and did our best,” or my favorite, “If you’re in the tournament long enough, you’re going to go down…It’s not our birth-rite each year.” The latter coming from Duke’s Coach K. Funny how he attempts to ease the loss with the rationality of, “Hey, we can’t win every year.”
Now, as I type away, the top college teams in the nation are rebounding their way to the victorious dance. Aren’t you excited? You must admit you thrive off the roaring crowds proudly draped in their schools’ colors, the cheerleaders with sparkly outfits, the fans with body paint, and of course, Dick Vitale baaabyyyy. Question: Why do the cheerleaders wait until March Madness to wear the sparkles? Putting sequins on cheer-leading uniforms doesn’t make them better, just shiny. Speaking of spirit, “Dick’s got spirit, yes he
does do. Dick’s got spirit. How about you?” For me, Dick Vitale is often times the highlight of the game—He might as well put on a shiny suit too.
The fact that you’re reading this paragraph lets me know that either you’re okay with my enthusiasm for the NCAA tournament, or you’re just as excited as I am. With that being said, I invite you to keep up with my tournament bracket results. This is considering that you 1)don’t have a life 2)don’t have crap to do at work–like me, or 3)actually think I really know anything about college basketball. So far, I’m not doing bad at all. However, my theory for choosing the winning teams is very unconventional: “UNC, that’s the team Michael Jordan played for. Guess I’ll go with them. FSU? Oh yeah, the guy with the hair–I like him. Guess I’ll go with them too. Holy Cross? Sounds like a Christian college. Oh well, God doesn’t show favor during the tournament, so I’ll go with S. Illinois.” Hopefully this information has discouraged anyone interested in gambling from using my predictions.
As you can see, when it comes to basketball, I’m really not an expert; I’m just an excited fan. Don’t get me wrong, I do know a good team when I see one. On the other-hand, I am a woman and on occasion the outward appearance of a team, constitutes a win. “Uhm! The team in the red is looking good. Go Big Red! Go Big Red!” That’s how it usually works, but I do have a few select teams in which my loyalty will never drift: Texas (of course), Duke (even though they lost), UNC (Mr. Jordan’s alma mater), and Maryland (the cute fellas).
So what have we learned today:
- Apparently, being in the Final Four 14 times excuses losing in the first round–according to Coach K.
- Sequins aren’t a good look for cheerleaders, nor Dick Vitale.
- The outcome of the tournament can be determined by how nice the players’ abs look.
- Michael Jordan’s attendance at UNC most likely has nothing to do with the team’s current standings in the tournament.