It’s French, I Guess It’s Oquet

Cashmere BouquetOne of the things that can ruin my day is for me to run out of anything that I apply to my skin: lotion, eyeliner, lip balm, soap, deodorant, blush—you get my drift. For some reason, it drives me nuts!  Usually, I am obsessed about keeping stock of my toiletries and beauty supplies, but somehow, I must have overlooked something. 

Last Saturday, I composed a list of items I needed:

As you can see, there’s no check next to soap.  Some of you may say, “Well at least you got the body wash.”  Silly you, you just don’t understand.  Body wash means nothing to me in in my scheme of cleanliness. Let me explain the process:

  • While in shower, rinse body with HOT water.
  • Use soap and wash cloth to clean body.
  • After body had been scrubbed with wash cloth and soap, apply body wash for fresh sensation.

Body wash will not rid you of any funk—it only covers it up.

So that night as I prepared for my evening shower, I remembered that I failed to buy any soap. “Damn it!” Even though I had the body wash to tide me over, I just couldn’t put enough faith in it to remove all of Saturday’s scent. In plus, I don’t like substitues—nothing’s better than the real thing. Out of desperation, I searched throughout the house and just so happened to come across a pack of soap. “Yes!” At least I thought.  The package read, Cashmere Bouquet, pronounced cazhmeer bookay. Who the hell makes Cashmere Bouquet? Although the name of the soap appeared to be French, I’d guarantee that the soap was no where near anything related to France. Side note: Why do people (mainly black people) think that anything with a French name makes it better, or to be valued, i.e. Lisa Bonet (real last name Boney, she’s not even French—not even on her white side), or any ghetto names with -ette (Angletette, Pleshette, Danette, Lavette, Passionette (sorry Tim), Quinette….).  For the record, I only made up one of those names. I usually never fall victim to Ghetto Frenchness, but for some reason I thought that it might be oquet (okay in Ghetto French) to use the Cashmere Bouquet. Obviously, I was wrong.

Have you ever used a soap, like the kind in a common hotel (Spring Break ’01), that leaves you ashy as soon as you rinse it off? I know you have. Well, this was the exact process:

  1. While in shower, rinse body with warm water.
  2. Use Cashmere Bouquet and wash cloth to clean body.
  3. Rinse Cashmere Bouquet from body.
  4. Immediately begin to itch and feel extreme dryness of the body.
  5. Use body-wash to relieve itching—doesn’t help.
  6. Give up and dry off.
  7. Step out of shower and notice that both your lower and upper limbs are extremely ashy, as well as your back that feels like it will tear in two if you make any sudden movements.

Fortunately, the dry discomfort was relieved with a mixture of thick, creamy lotion and body oil.

So what have we learned:

  • If it sounds French, but looks ghetto, just say NO!!!
  • Body wash only sensationalizes your skin—Doesn’t really clean.
  • Always finish your ‘to-do’ list.
  • If your name ends in -ette, then it’s definitely Ghetto French. Middle names count too. 

Sincerely, ty!

P.S. If your name actually does end in -ette, I truly do hope you weren’t offended. But truth be told, just because your momma thought the name was cute back in ’79, doesn’t really mean it is. You’re still Ghetto French. Sorry.

P.S.P.S. If you’re interested in purchasing Cashmere Bouquet, click the link from above. It’s on SALE—-$1.59 for a pack of 3.

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