For the last month or so, my life has been a haven for boredom, ho-hum, and nothingness. No matter how many parties I attend, no matter how many cute boys I kiss, the blandess of my life always seems to return. At this point, nothing impresses me. Any and everything gets a double thumbs-down. I’m torn as to how I should alleviate myself from this slump. Other than a week or two in rehab, I see nothing. What to do, what to do?
Not only have I become bored with my own life, I’ve become overly confrontational with others because their lives’ suck as well.
ME: “You’re going to work again? What a bore!” Or even worse, “TIVO night again? Oh hell no! This friendship between you, me, and the t.v. is just not going to work.”
Things are starting to get so bad that I have officially changed my weekday bedtime to 10:00, and I don’t even get excited about birthday cake day at work. I’m usually the first one in line for our monthly dose of sugary happiness. These days I’m more like, why put myself through the sugar rush just to return to the nothingness. I refuse to let the sugar taunt, tease, and put my emotions on high just to let me down. How depressing.
Why am I so bummed out? When I tell others of my woes, most have the same response, “At least you have your health—your family—your job—your friends.” So for them, my grounds for feeling drab aren’t condonable because:
- I’m not deathly ill–True, but boredom=depression=justifiable medical condition.
- I don’t have a dysfunctional family–True. I’m the only “off-beat” one in the fam. Well, me and Aunt Sammie.
- I’m not a social hermit–True as well, but the whole party scene is beginning to bore me. Remember boredom=depression=justifiable medical condition.
- I have a job—True, but considering the pay and the low-competence level, my current job may very well be the main source of my mundane spirit.
In actuality, I’m not totally void of happiness. Each day I try to find something that I consider the “highlight of the day”. This little piece of happiness is spread amongst my dearest friends…I like others to be happy as well. Last week, I was blessed with a double-dose of happiness in one day. First, I witnessed my 8 month-old nephew brush his first two teeth. Not impressed with that? Well,
go to hell too bad. I have to take life’s bits and pieces of excitement as they come. Then I laid my eyes on one of the juiciest blogs of all-time: ABenjaminirby. I don’t know if it’s his writing style that draws me in or the fact that I feel I’m doing something naughty when I’m reading it. It’s addictive so if you have a desire to be shocked an awed by a young, hot tender, then you must read. But do so with caution. ABenjaminirby delivers a blog that is a little less Broke Back Mountain, and more like Sex in the City meets Sodom and Gomorrah. Sorry A, but you know your drawers are always on fire.
In closing, I’d like to let everyone know that I’m not totally consumed in nothingness. I am grateful for what God has done for me in my life….VIOLINS PLAYING…and how he has indeed blessed me…MAHALIA JACKSON SINGING…and all the other things I’m supposed to say to show I’m not completely ungrateful. So, I decided to compose a daily list of 10 things I’m thankful to God for. Here’s today’s list:
- Giving me today—As my mother says, “You could be dead.” Boredom beats death any day.
- Mother, father, brother, family, friends—Somehow friends and family usually find a way to brighten my day.
- Health—Even with the depression, I could be far worse off.
- Sense of humor—If I’m not laughing at myself, then I’m probably laughing at you.
- Second chances—We all should be thankful for these.
- Male models—Eye candy is the best cure for the mean reds.
- Sephora—Who doesn’t love this place?
- Caller-ID—Why doesn’t he just lose my freakin’ number?
- The little crunchy ice at Sonic—I refuse to put that deep-fried crap on my debit card, but the Cherry-limeades are to die for.
- People like you who continue to read this madness—Thanks honies.
P.S. I’m going to make an extreme effort to keep this blog updated. I know you hate clicking on it day after day just to see the same old crap. With that being said, I’d like to thank Mr. Jake for finally giving me something to look forward to at work.