Yesterday was the first day of school in my area. The good news–children go back to learning. The bad news–kids go back to getting in my way. Is it just me, or do the kids in my neighborhood want to get ran over? Who wants to die on the first day of school? Did the kids dread returning to school so much that they decided they’d be better off throwing themselves in front of my car? I’m trying to get to work, and almost kill two kids. That’s right! Two kids, two different incidents. I need to get to work! My route does not allow time to stop for an involuntary manslaughter case. I put the blame on the parents. What gets me really heated is the fact that momma and daddy refuse to use the crosswalks. Not only are there crosswalks provided, but also crossing guards equipped with orange vests, whistles, and mini stop signs to escort the children. Don’t just drop your kids off at the curb and go. Walk their asses to the crosswalk so I don’t kill them.
Check out the drama: I’m already running late for work, and I come up to a school zone sign. Ugh! I slow down because I’m all about keeping the kids safe. Suddenly, out of nowhere a blur of barrettes and ponytails zooms in front of my car. So I’m freakin’ out, and my nerves are even more on edge. That was Damn-Near-Fatality #1. I calm down from that incident and make the rest of my 15 mph trek through the remainder of the school zone. Not 5 feet from the previous incident do I see a family posing outside. Yes, First Day of School Pictures up-close and personal. That still happens? Who still does that? That has to be the countriest thing ever. Those kids looked so embarassed, standing in a line, shoulder-to-shoulder, all greasied-up and polished for the first day. To make matters worse, the momma (who was the photographer) must have shouted out a loud, “Take one with your daddy,” as the father (and his morning beer) reluctantly slid his way into the line of kids.
As you may have guessed, Damn-Near-Fatality #2 occured as a result of my inquisitiveness (basically being nosy). I don’t know exactly how it happened; either the kid jumped into the street, or my car jumped a little too close to the curb. Not sure, but I probably would’ve caught a case on that one. Luckily, the young boy was vivrant and quick on his feet. He was probably eager to go to school and wasn’t gonna let my nosiness ruin it for him.